A Posteriori

In spite of the varied myths that dot the North American cultural landscape, the dating scene is a very brutal and merciless place. Indeed, the casualties are diverse and numerous. These casualties stem from rejection, but also from a twisted process of character manipulation and abandonment of one’s essential convictions for a form of individual assimilation.

The challenge of dating involves making a choice between presenting oneself as an entirely different person and confronting oneself . It is a direct test of one’s integrity and principles against one’s fear of loneliness. This fear becomes more pronounced as one gets older.

With regard to the first choice, the direct question with which one is confronted is “do I make myself more likeable, superficial or complicit in order to quell my deep-seeded desire for companionship?” The temptation for the weak and unprincipled to answer that question in the affirmative is compelling and in some cases irresistible.

With regard to the second choice, it takes far more courage and spiritual fortitude. A good and worthwhile relationship is one in which the partner challenges you, including many of your assumptions and pre-conceived notions. A worthwhile relationship is one that adds value to one’s life through positive change, without requiring a compromise of deeply held principles.

In my opinion, despite the degree and frequency of failure, the only possible choice in the second one. Without deeply held moral principles. it’s impossible for one’s life to have any real meaning or direction.

Granted, well-meaning and well-thought out compromise has its place, and is in many cases essential to a working relationship. Such compromise must have as its ultimate goal the genuine improvement of one’s life within the context of the relationship. When compromise is initiated solely to save or establish a relationship, then such compromise is valueless.

Valueless compromise is counter-productive in the long term because the falsified favourable image will eventually abate and the underlying incompatibility will be exposed, destroying the relationship is a spectacular fashion.

So the moral of the story is:

• Be true to oneself
• Find one’s true path
• Follow that path without wavering

Eventually, someone worthwhile should join you on that path. If not, then it’s better to walk the path alone than to deviate aimlessly from that path with somebody else.